Proud to be an American?

Earlier this week we had a beautiful day: the sun was shining and the air was dry. One of the things I miss most about summer back at home is the sunshine and being able to lay out and get a nice tan. Here the atmosphere prohibits getting much direct sunlight, and on those rare sunny days the women cower away from the sunlight, seeking shelter under umbrellas, massive visors, and even children's inflatable swim toys--anything to prevent them from getting tanned. Since model school tacks on an extra hour of prep to our already hour and a half lunch period, and I was not teaching that day, I decided to grab some chairs and sit out on the patio right outside our classroom and study while getting some good sunshine on my ever-paling skin. As I was tanning myself, Joanne, our TEFL trainer, walked by and chuckled saying, "You are such an American." And then I waited for it to happen--I waited for that typical reaction of repulsion from deep within me that says "Please don't equate me with them. I am not like the rest of them." But it never came. Instead I smiled and enthusiastically said, "I know!" And I felt something I haven't felt in years: pride.

I have never been one to bear the label "patriotic." In fact, if there had been a "Most likely to become an ex-pat" award in high school, I would have won it hands down. Ever since my first trip overseas, I got this romantic idea in my head that the rest of the world was so much more pure and honest than Americans. Americans were corrupted, fat, selfish, too rich, etc. The list could go on. I attributed all of this to being an American problem, missing the point that this was not an exclusively American trait, but rather a human nature trait. Give anyone around the world that much money and power and they would be the same way.

Coming to China this time I have begun to see things differently. I don't know if it's because I am coming here a little older and wiser than I was last time, or if it's simply because I'm seeing things from a different perspective because of the nature of my trip, but knowing that I am here to live for two years, and not merely to visit for a few weeks, has deromanticized things a bit for me. Instead of viewing customs and traditions and the way the Chinese people do some things as exotic, they have begun to permeate my comfort zone as I realize that I will have to adapt to these customs for two whole years. I am no longer allowed to stand on the outside, viewing these customs and habits as though on display in a museum or shop window, but rather I have to figure out how to integrate them into my life without completely compromising myself. And so in exploring these customs, and taking a greater look at my own customs, I have come to realize something I know my family has wished for years that I would realize: I am proud to be an American.

Of course, there are still things I do not like about America. But the key point is that I have begun to realize that these things that I do not like about America are things that I do not like about human nature, and maybe it's not America I disagree with, but rather human nature. And maybe other cultures really aren't "better," but rather flawed in different ways.

I feel as though unless I were to completely give myself over to the Chinese culture, and retain no part of my self, then this was a necessary and inevitable realization. In dealing with the stress and homesickness of integration, home becomes a rock; it becomes the foundation on which you are to build your new self. It is necessary then that this foundation be stable and beloved. My only fear in this, then, is that this realization comes purely out of necessity, and will therefore be only a temporary adaptation while I am in this culture. When I return to the states, will I go back to placing other cultural views above my own because it will no longer be necessary for my own culture to captivate and retain that sense of my self? I would like to think that this realization is a permanent thing, because I feel as though this would make adjusting back into my life in America much easier in two years.

I suppose that, for now, the best thing I can do is learn to love parts of my new culture, and remember my love for my American culture, because it is, after all, home. And Dorothy said it best when she said, "There's no place like home."