I am now sitting here waiting at the gate. I have about an hour before my flight boards. I just said goodbye to my family and I cried the entire way through the checkpoint and all the way down to my gate. There are certain fears that are wanting to completely wash over me and distract me from why I'm here in the first place. If I let them, they will leave me completely debilitated, questioning my resolve for this path and tempting me to get out while I still can.
And then a voice inside me says "Sure, you can decide not to go if you want. You can bow out and go home. There are people there who will understand, who will support you, who will even be glad that you decided not to go.........but what really is waiting for you back home? What job is there for you there? What does your life look like if you don't go? Where would you go from here?" And suddenly, my tears stop and I remember why I decided to do this. It still hurts, but the fear has been somewhat subdued, at least for now.
It just sucks saying goodbye.
Goodbyes aren't fun, but think of them more as see-ya-laters. Love ya, sis.
ReplyDeleteBecause of Christ,
Rachael
I love you Jill! Let us know when you're safe. Even if it's a one sentence post.
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